The New Minister
by Everlasting Purple
Summary: This is my version of after Harry Potter defeated Lord Voldemort the wizarding world is having lots of problems due to people's stupidly so Harry takes over
1. Chapter 1

Hi! Here's something I dug out of my notebooks and typed up.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Review if you like it enough for me to keep going.

Sum: This is my version of after Harry Potter defeated Lord Voldemort the wizarding world is having lots of problems due to people's stupidly so Harry takes over.

'After the war' or 'In which Harry realizes how stupid people really are.'

After Harry Potter defeated the Great Lord Voldemort of Doom for some reason Harry thought the rest of the world would get a dose of common sense. It was not to be.

The public was all for seizing him and forcing him to be the Minister of Magic. Yes at 17 years of age. If he would not do that "Hell No!" then he should at least have the courtesy to become Head Auror. "Again I am 17!"

Do to Hermione's fast actions Serverus Snape was alive and had been in the infirmary when the Aurors decide he should be arrested. The poor man could barely stand and was being forced out of the castle.

Harry who had told everyone that Snape had been a spy in his fight with Voldemort saw this and had been utterly "You Idiots!" pissed off about it. Unfortunately though Snape was saved Harry's outburst was the cause for much ass kissing. Harry wasn't used to people kissing his ass to this degree even with his fame so it was very strange for him especially when those people were older than him and authority figures.

After that no one was going to disrespect The-boy-who-saved wishes which would have been fine if every Auror did not suddenly think they must ask his permission to blow their nose.

Later Harry found out the person he had yelled out had been fired so he could almost some of it, however this one woman walking up to him to ask if she could go on lunch break was fucking ridiculous.

Ron found the whole thing amusing while Hermione was very disapproving and Harry realized that Luna Lovegood had more common sense than most of his classmates.

His classmates if they were anything that was not Slytherin thought he was there hero and they should cheer every bloody time he walked into the room. Slytherins on the other hand were terrified of him and seemed to think he wanted to slaughter there whole family or something.

The Malfoys were still here after it had been like two weeks to Harry confusion, however by this time Harry was afraid to ask any adult about it for fear they thought he was ordering them to do something about it. Neville thought everyone was scared to do anything about the Malfoys without Harry's approval due to what happened the last time they arrested someone in Hogwarts and if Harry wanted them gone he would have to give the order so to speak.

Harry thought that was bloody stupid, but Neville was most likely right. It seemed Harry would be unable to be normal after all.

"If I had known I would have to wipe everyone's arse I would have disappeared as soon as I killed him. Maybe I should do that anyway, become a hermit in some muggle town." Harry spoke aloud to what he thought was an empty hall.

"Don't do that Potter. I doubt any justice would really be carried out and the Ministry would just become corrupted again." Spoke Draco Malfoy, who it seems, had been watching him in the shadows for some time.

Draco looked worse for were. Bags under his eyes and hair with no gel in it.

"And my presents is going to single handedly stop that? And what's more you saying you actually care if it does?"

Harry spoke lightly he held no malice towards the younger Malfoy if anything he felt sorry for him. This had been the first time they had spoken after the Voldemort's death. Harry studied him. When their eyes met Draco looked away quickly dropping his gaze to the floor. Harry didn't know if he did that in respect or shame. All of the Malfoys had taken a large dose of humility. Draco especially seemed to show remorse for his actions another reason Harry had yet to give the order on his family.

"You could stop it if you wanted to and it does matter to me actually." Draco forced himself to lock his gaze with Harry. Harry could the determination in his gaze among other things. It made Harry realize what Draco was trying to do.

"They're giving Death Eaters the kiss left and right. The trials they are allowing to happen are few and biased. Considering how out for blood people are it's not surprising."

Draco paused for a moment. Harry was about to speck when he continued.

"I don't expect myself or my family to live much longer Potter. The only reason we haven't been kissed is the Aurors are too stupid to do anything again your wishes. I don't know how much longer we have."

Harry was surprise how deeply that affected him. He was Malfoy and they hated each other or they did, but the idea of him dead and no longer being his sneering rival was shocking and so strangely saddening. He thought of Tonks and Lupin hadn't they had enough deaths?

Their eyes did not leave each others for a long time though they both were silent. This was Draco Malfoy begging Harry realized and if I say nothing he will continue to do so more bluntly and more humiliating because he really is that desperate. Could I save him or his family even if I wanted to? Right now everyone's falling over themselves to do as I say, but how long until they remember my age?

"Potter…my mother …"

"Malfoy-"

"She doesn't have the mark! She doesn't have it and I know she never-"He spoke quickly with wide eyes trying to convince me.

"I believe you Malfoy. Your mum saved my life I will do what I can for her and for you as well."

"But why?" He asked disbelievingly.

"I was there with Dumbledore when he died. If the others hadn't come I think you would changed sides. You should know Dumbledore was already dying. His hand was cursed and he would have been dead at the end of the year. It's not your fault he died."

It was obvious that Draco had never realized that Dumbledore was dying. The pure shock on his face as Harry Potter realized him of his guilt showed that.

"I would suggest your family be seen repairing parts of Hogwarts with the others. People are too stupid to question it and it's better than lurking in corners you'll give someone a heart attack like that." Harry gave him an honestly warm smile and turned to leave.

" I…what…but Potter where are you going?" Draco asked.

"Where else but the Ministry? Sounds like Kinsley's doing a mush poorer job then I had hoped. Farewell for now!"

Harry didn't really know why he was smiling after hearing such news maybe it made him feel good to resolve Draco of guilt or maybe leavening a Malfoy flabbergasted was just that fun either way he was feeling good and motivated. If the whole world was being ran by idiots that wouldn't leave him alone he might as do something about it. Harry wondered what Ron, Hermione, and the DA would think if he brought them all together and deiced to take over The Ministry.


	2. This is short but important

Alright everyone I hate Author notes so this will be very short.

I will be deleting this story in a week as I have not gotten one review for it yet.

I may change my mind if I get even one review for it. If someone asked me to put it up for adoption I will however I don't think someone would want a story that doesn't even have one review.

My new stance on my stories is: if I don't get any reviews in a month I delete my story. If I have at least one review I will try to continue the story to the finish. I have other stories I'm working on and I'm going by number of reviews for what I'm working on

That's all.


	3. Thank you, heres Chaos

(Well I guess I have to threaten you people so I can get reviews now? I didn't really expect that to work, but it did so now I will keep the story. It would be nice if everyone would remember after a story has been posted or updated after a day or two no one else reads it unless its part of a community or you're looking at someone's favorite list. So it really does matter if you review a story you like.)

Thank you for reviewing here's a reward chapter for doing so. After this one I will really try to make my chapters longer it may be awhile before I post because of this. Also my priorities in stories are partly based on what I feel like, but mostly on how many reviews I get.

Also I must bring Fred back to life because he is awesome and I don't want all the Weasleys to be depressed. He's the only that I'm making alive that shouldn't be however.

_Harry didn't really know why he was smiling after hearing such news maybe it made him feel good to resolve Draco of guilt or maybe leavening a Malfoy flabbergasted was just that fun either way was feeling good and motivated. If the whole was being ran by idiots that wouldn't leave him alone he might as do something about it. Harry wondered what Ron, Hermione, and the DA would think if he brought them all together and deiced to take over The Ministry. _

Chaos

The problem with Harry's former thought was the 'take over' part of taking over the Ministry. It did not seem as if he would need to take anything as after he arrived at the ministry it was not handed, but launched at him with the subtleness of Hagird's brother making Harry realize how stupid his former thought was and there was no way he would ever become Minister.

It was also stupid to have come alone. Chaos was the best word to describe the situation when Harry arrived. It should not have taken Harry that much by surprise for if he thought about he would have realized that here was a large incompetent organization without any leaders that were either competent or that anyone would be willing to follow.

The noise was the first impression one would get out of the chaos, the next mild panic. As Harry stepped out of the fireplace he had used to travel there he instinctively ducked and drew his wand only to look around startled that everyone appeared to be yelling and running. At first he thought death eaters had done something stupid, but no it was not terror panic it was confused panic which was almost worse.

The first person he saw looked like a young secretary holding a large stack of papers and rushing by at top speed. He was followed by a girl yelling at him about something also holding papers. One woman was sobbing near the water fountain. A group of important looking men were having a large shouting match. One man looked like he was hexing a reporter or what had been a reporter. In the middle of it all stood Fudge the former Ministry of Magic looking very much like he was about to join the crying woman.

"Please listen to me!" Cried Fudge desperately at either the important men or just everyone Harry couldn't be sure. Fudge being the only face that Harry knew was the first Harry really focused on; unfortunately Fudge was also the first person to notice Harry.

His eyes lit up as they spied Harry and the wide smile that the former ministry wore made Harry consider running for it. He did back up quite a bit, but it was not enough as Fudge flew towards him faster than Harry had ever seen the man move, he was by his side holding on to his arm in a death grip looking for all the world like he was about to repay Harry for every bad thing that had ever happened in his life.

Harry was quick with a wand, but he was startled given Fudge the time to raise his wand and shout the spell to give himself a painfully loud voice.

"**Everyone may I have your attention? I give you Harry Potter the new Minister!"**

And then Fudge was gone, running as fast as he could. You see Fudge wasn't really the bad sort, he was just a fool. When Fudge realized that the real minister was dead as was anyone that could replace him and that the ministry was falling apart he tried to step in, only for the good of the people of course. However it was not to be, Harry Potter had spoken long ago about his dislike for Fudge and no one would do anything that the poor man said.

In a selfless act kind Fudge had grabbed hold of the ministries only hope for survival and had proudly selected him to lead them. Fudge felt if there was anything someone might look back on about him they could at least see his selflessness in the end for the greater good or the world. Of course then he had to run because the look on Harry Potters face was scary as hell and he wanted to die of old age, thank you.

"I AM NOT THE MINISTER!" Why won't anyone listen to me? Harry thought miserably.

In the increasing chaos that followed Fudge's stunt Harry had fond Kinsley. Finding Kinsley first almost relived Harry then it pissed him off to a whole new level. The rumor that Kinsley was Minister was a damn dirty lie. Kinsley was trying unsuccessfully to keep the Aurors under control. Kinsley also refused to listen to him, in fact he had congratulated him on making Minster and asked him when he had the time he could please inform his Aurors that he, Kinsley had not ever been an imposter, really was the Head Auror and it would really make him, Harry happy if they would obey him, Kinsley.

Harry's scream, really it was just him raising his voice he did not scream, of traitor was a horrible disaster as the large crowd around him had all started to throw curses at one another. In the end Harry had to order everyone to stop and get the injured to the hospital. Most horrible was that Kinsley the Head Aurors was one of the injured.

Things finally began to calm down and Harry began to make sense of the people surrounding him. In short he discovered four things. One the only head of any department still alive was Bagman who had run away from goblins at one point and was still missing. Two the only person qualified to feel in for any department head that they could find was Umbrigde. Three everyone was only calming down because he was giving orders and they thought he was in charge, when he wasn't! And four the last and most important thing of all, he needed Hermione.

She was the only one who could organize this mess. He needed Ron two, to cry on. And he needed Luna to confuse everyone to silence. He needed Ginny to bat boogie hex reporters and he wanted Draco Malfoy…so he could hit him…yes he needed to hit something that's the only reason he randomly started thinking about Draco Malfoy.

While I'm thinking about Draco Malfoy I should really plan my revenge for giving me the idea to come here. Fudge needs to die a horrible death as this is more his fault then…why do I keep thinking of him as Draco Malfoy instead or just Malfoy? Who cares I need the DA.

"Um…" Thinking about Dra-Malfoy made Harry remember the reason he came here, but if he said anything about the Malfoys would the random idiots surrounding him take their pretend pitchforks and throw them in prison before he could say anything? Most likely.

" I am not the Minister! Not that you idiots care about that. Oh fine. Get me the highest ranking person and the highest ranking Auror!"

A few minutes later Harry had Percy Weasley, Minister's Assistant and that one female Auror who had asked him about her lunch break.

"I will not cry. I will not tell everyone to murder Fudge. I will not have a mental break down." Harry muttered.

"What's that Harry? You know it's really great of you to accept the position-"Started Percy.

"I AM NOT THE MINISTER OF MAGIC!"


	4. can not fail

Hi everyone! Sorry for the wait. Thanks for the reviews. Oh and I can't seem to make long chapters so your suck with short ones.

**Can. Not. Fail.**

_"I will not cry. I will not tell everyone to murder Fudge. I will not have a mental break down." Harry muttered._

_"What's that Harry? You know it's really great of you to accept the position-"Started Percy._

_"I AM NOT THE MINISTER OF MAGIC!"_

Harry knew better than anyone that sometimes you had to make a choice between what was right and what was easy, but come on man he already saved the world once!

"Are you alright sir? You look like a little teary."

"Yes I'm fine it's just that I-"

"Oh I know! It must be because you're so happy to be minister!" Babbled the happy Auror.

"It must be a dream come true for you! Anything you want us to do sir! We are ready to start rebuilding the world!"

Percy the traitor was nodding his head enthusiastically at everything the woman was saying and looking as though everything was right in the world.

Alright it's bad enough I'm going to have to be temporarily in charge here, but I cannot do this with only Percy and this annoying Auror, Harry deiced.

"Okay. What is your name?"

"Auror Crafts Sir! Reporting for duty! But you can call me Kristen. "

"Err…right. You should… go to Hogwarts. Find Hermione Granger or Ron Weasley tell them to get as many people from the DA as they can find that don't have anything important to do and then bring them here and find me. Got that?"

Hopeful she would not mess this up and Hermione, Ron, and the rest would arrive and help him fix everything.

"Yes Sir!" and she left immediately."

"Err…Percy…"

"Yes Harry? I mean Minister Potter?"

Harry closed his eyes to stop himself from pummeling that eager face.

"You will call me by name, never as Minister."

"But-"

"Percy! Just. Don't. Now can you show me where the minister's office is?"

Percy could and did, but unfortunately the office was inaccessible due to paper work piling up so high that it was rather hard to open the door. Secretaries were found and caught as most of them were running somewhere and the 'order' was given to organize the office. Harry was swiftly growing to hate giving 'orders' to grown men and women and watching them follow said orders. In fact he was very close to 'ordering' Percy to start dancing, both to see if he would do it and to maybe raise the morel a bit. Harry certainly needed his sprits raised.

Finally they found a conference room that was intact and clean. If more than just a few members of the DA showed up which Harry was really hoping for this would work a lot better than an office.

Harry sat at the end of the long table and prepared to wait. So he waited and he realized that Percy was still there. In fact he was behind him and a bit to the left not at the table at all, but just in a chair in a scribe position. Notepad and quill in hand staring at Harry as if he was the more interesting thing in the world.

"Err…Um…so…you went back to the minister after the battle I guess?"

"Yes. I thought I would be needed here." He spoke pompously and kept staring.

"Well that's good."

Awkward silence….

Lots of awkward silence…..

"Why don't you make a list of things you think we should do or that needs to be done?" Harry asked desperately.

"That's a good idea!"

Harry didn't know how Percy managed to write so fast and stare at him at the same time, but he did.

Awkward sound of a quill scratching parchment…..

Harry fidgeted.

More of the awkward sound of a quill scratching parchment…..

Harry fidgeted.

A whole boatload of-

"Harry!"

"Hi Harry!"

"What's up?"

"What's going on Harry?"

"Hey Harry!"

"Ron! Hermione! Everyone! My sanity! Thank you Merlin!"

And this is how they got there.

Auror Kristen Crafts had a mission! That she. Could. Not. Fail. Because it had been given to her by. The. Savior. Of. The. World. Who was also the Minister of Magic and really hot so she. Could. Not. Fail.

Auror Kristen Crafts ran to the fireplace and knocked someone carrying papers over, and then she had to go to the other fireplace because that one was not working, but that did not matter because she. Could. Not. Fail.

She went though the fireplace and went to Hogwarts. She got out of the fireplace in one of the teachers offices. She started to go out of the office, but the door was locked. Luckily she remembered the best spell to open doors, which of course is Reducto. So she basted the door to open and made her way into the Great Hall.

The spunky Auror walked up to a red haired boy.

"Are you Ron Weasley?"

"No."

"Oh well, are you Ron Weasley?" She asked the boy beside him who looked almost identical.

"Nope. But if you"

"Really wanted to"

"Find him. I would"

"Check the"

"Kitchens, or ask"

"Hermione."

She blinked. Right. Their heads must been hit in the battle or something. No one really talked like that. She rudely turned away and walked up to a girl this time and asked her if she was Hermione Granger.

She would have spent hours asking people these questions instead of asking if anyone knew where they were, but she got lucky.

"Yes I am. And I hope you're here about the Death eater problem." She said bossily.

"Death eater problem?"

"They keep coming out of the forest dazed and injured. We think that some of them tried to hide in the forest after the battle, but few of them seemed to have survived. The ones that have are stumbling and crawling out. What are we suppose to do with them? They need medical attention and most of them need to be locked up! Also how long to we have to look at the Malfoys suffering? They were fine yesterday when they were ignoring everyone, but now the Malfoys are trying to help of all things! And that's good, but they really don't know how! None of them have done a hard day's work in their life and they keep making things worse!" End first breath.

"Draco isn't so bad he only gets mixed up a bit, but Mr. Malfoy got into an awful fight with some paintings trying to repair a wall and he ended up destroying the pictures and the wall! And Ms. Malfoy is really trying, but she won't let anyone work because she's trying to redecorate all of Hogwarts, in much interknit detail it seems. Really why are they here? When is someone going to send them home? Mr. Malfoy should be in jail, but with the way the Ministry is you might as well just pardon them all and get them out of here!" End second breath

"And further more-"

Auror Kristen Crafts was sure there had once been a time before the voice she just couldn't remember when. She was sinking into a daze that reminded her of Binns, but she could not fail remember? So she fought the sinking feeling and the sudden drowsiness and she tried to stop the voice.

"All of Slytherin house is here-"

"Ms. Granger?"

" and of course they're sacred-"

"Please Ms. Granger?"

" family and the ministry are-"

"Hermione Granger please listens!"

"Which is your fault! And do you know how dangerous it is to have that many paranoid Slythrines about?"

"Harry Potter needs you!"

"Harry! Why on earth didn't you say something? What's wrong?"

Next chapter

"_You're the Minister of Magic?" asked Ron in an awed voiced. Harry face palmed. _

"You're the Minister of Magic?" asked Ron in an awed voiced. Harry face palmed.

"You're the Minister of Magic?" asked Ron in an awed voiced. Harry face palmed.


	5. Welcome Blaise Zabini

Hi everyone!

You are the Minister of Magic! Or Welcome Blaise Zabini!

"_Ron! Hermione! Everyone! My sanity! Thank you Merlin!"_

Hermione, Ron, Fred, George, Ginny, Neville, Luna, Dean, Seamus, Michael, Susan, Ernie, Cho, Zacharias Asshole Smith, and for a strange unknown reason the pretty boy slythrine Blaise Zabine! Aka introducing Harry sanity!

Then Harry went to his friends and he greeted them and he hugged some of them and he almost broke down on Ron's shoulder, but he resisted.

After that they were sited and Harry took a moment to look at all of them fondly. This was harder to do with Zacharias Asshole Smith, but he did so. It wasn't hard per say to look at Blaise with fondness; it was more unnerving and soon turned to confusion. No matter Harry's suddenly wonderful mood it was very hard not to blurt out 'What the hell is he doing here?'

If they were going to bring a slythrine why couldn't they have brought Draco? Err Malfoy that is and because he still wanted to hit him. Right…

"Alright Harry why did you send that," Hermione took a deep breath "that Auror to bring us here."

Hermione wore an odd expression rather like when she was remembering Rita Skeeter.

"Yeah mate, what's up?" asked Ron with a side glance at his girlfriend.

"Well you see…" It was rather hard to start with everyone staring at him and the confusing presence of Blaise Zabini plus he just now noticed the absence of Auror Crafts.

"Oh Oh let us guess Harry!" Cried Fred and George.

"Are we getting revenge of the morons of the ministry?"

"Did they make someone stupid Ministry?"

"Kinsley's making us all Aurors!"

"Umbrigde is taking over the ministry and we must fight her!"

"We're getting order of Merlin's!"

The twins tried to continued, but Hermione was having none of it.

"You're taking control of the ministry and you want us to-"

"Enough." The twins' coward dramatically in the face of the Glare of the Bookworm.

Hermione fixed her eyes on Harry's.

"Explain."

"Well it's Malfoys fault and no not in the way you're thinking either." Harry cut off his friends, namely Ron before he could interrupt.

Harry talked and talked then he talked some more. Then he glared. Then Ron spoke and Harry face palmed.

"You're the Minister of Magic?" asked Ron in an awed voice.

"Wow." Said Dean in awe.

"Whoa!" Said Seamus in awe.

"But your only 17!" Said Hermione Flabbergasted.

"Congrats Minister Potter!" Shouted Fred and George gleefully.

**You're** the Minister of Magic?" asked Ron in an awed voice.

"It figures." Grumbled Smith.

"You'll be a great minster Harry!" Said Cho.

"Yes you will." Ginny glared at Cho.

"You're the **Minister **of Magic?" asked Ron in an awed voice.

"Really Harry?" Said Neville disbelieving.

"So that's why the Nargles were singing." Said Luna dreamily.

"You're the –"Started Ron.

"Yes I'm the Minister of Bloody Magic and that makes you the Head Auror because I am not fixing this mess alone!" Harry burst out.

Ron resembled a fish and everyone started talking at once.

"You should stop hitting your head of the table Potter, what did it ever do to you?" asked Blaise who seemed to appear out of thin air by his side.

Harry looked at him.

"Err. Why are you here?"

There was silence as everyone turned to stare at them.

"Well Potter it's like this..."

Part one 'The adventures of Blaise Zabini or Craft's epic fail.'

Now on the day of the battle of Hogwarts Blaise left with the other slythrines. He went home and unlike the other slythrines he curled up on a couch and partook of his guilty pleasure, that being muggle romance novels. He didn't think about the battle until the next morning when he remembered to read the paper.

"So Potter won then." Blaise looked down the long empty breakfast table.

"Any takers on how soon they'll make him Minister? Thought not." Blaise would often talk to himself as his mother was usually gone seducing. He tried to talk to one of the house elfs once around the time Granger was going nuts over spew something or other. Never again. He asked the thing its name and then if it was happy working here because he was bloody curious he didn't actually care, but that elf sure thought he did. 40 mins he was cried on by a house elf. Never again.

Blaise scanned the paper and was happy to note none of his few almost friends were listed as dead. There was a dead Weasley, but not the one that hung out with Potter. The rest of the Golden trio seemed fine. Again he really didn't care it was just his curiosity.

Blaise spent almost a week reading, sleeping, eating, wanking, drinking tea, staring at the wall, and over all having a very content yet somewhat boring life.

As more days passed and his mother sent a letter saying she was staying a mouth or two with a new male 'friend' Blaise became completely bored. Bored enough to start another conversation with a different house elf and though he used many insults the dumb creature still thought he was being nice to it so it still cried.

Maybe he could go to Hogwarts and do his part rebuilding or at least tell that to McGonagall so he could hang out around living breathing people even if they were all Gryffindors? Well why not.

"Get my cloak Moppy."

"Oh anything for the kind master!"

"Oh god…" I must get it to stop that or I will go crazy.

Auror Crafts had succeeded in oh so briefly stopping the voice that was Hermione Granger, but then as she was trying to explain the situation that little fuzzy haired _person_ went too far!

"How could Harry be so stupid as to go off on his own like that?" Stated Hermione in frustration.

"You can't talk about the Minister like!"

"He needs to learn not to do these things on his own."

"He is perfectly capable-"

"And to the Ministry of all places"

"Listen hear!"

"Without a plan! As if he could sort out that mess on his own what the most incompetent people-"

How dare her! How dare she mock the Minister! How could she indicate that the hard working people like herself were incompetent! She raised her wand. To her credit she was only going to use a silencing spell so she could speck properly, however it was not to be for an unlikely hero emerged.

"Stupefy! Why in the world was that Auror about to attack you Granger?" Blaise was mystified; didn't she know attacking one of the Golden Trio would be political suicide?

"Zabini?" Granger no doubt a bit startled being saved by a Slythrine quickly gathered her wits about her.

"Thank you Zabini. I don't believe she was mentally stable she seemed to think Harry ran off and became the Minister."

"Oh well I did see Potter step through the floo earlier."

"Oh no! Who knows what trouble he got into? Come on we need to find the DA."

"_We_ do? Err… I mean of course we do!" Political suicide vs. success. She was one of the most important people in the world right now and Blaise was a Slythrine, therefore obey the Bookworm.

"Shouldn't we do something with her first?" Hermione looked down at the Auror laying across the floor.

"I'll take care of it. You go on and find the DA people Hermione. I'll catch up with you." Friendly tone plus shit eating grin. The muggleborn that had been preaching to everyone that they should be nice and make friends with the Slythrines to stop them panicking could only do one thing.

"Alright then." After a small hesitation. "Thank you Blaise." First name base now and all it took was a good deed. Gryffindors.

"You're welcome." You're welcome my new fuzzy haired friend. I have no desire to lose any hope of a good future because of the newest amount of discrimination.

Now what did mother say about getting rid of the body again?


	6. Interruptions

Hello everyone! I'm sorry it's been so long! My school screwed me over and added a bunch of classes I didn't know I needed to have to graduate, now I'm doing a summer school program. So posting will be slow, but don't worry I shall kept writing!

Speaking of such things tell me what you think about the DH I'm putting in the story. Does it need more or less? This is rated T and for humor so I don't want to go so much in a romance direction. Right now I just think Harry's denial is funny. Of course if most of the people reading this hate Darry then I won't put much in.

**Interruptions.**

"So I heroically saved the day from the mad Auror, then I had too-"

"Wait a minute." Interrupted Harry.

"How did you see me go though the floo? I made sure no one was watching."

Indeed to avoid his fan girls and boys Harry had been very discreet. Discreet being he went into the charms classroom shut and locked the door then used the floo. He was very certain no one had been with him at the time.

Blaise sighed a sorrowful sigh, which spoke hundreds about his love of being interrupted when he was telling a story.

"Are you really going to nitpick at such a small thing?" Said Blaise, again in a way which said a lot about his love of being interrupted.

"Well if you lied about that what else are you keeping from us!" Demanded Ron. He was staying true to form with being hostile to anyone who dared be in Slythrine, because of course someone had to be no matter what Hermione had to say on the matter.

Blaise sighed an even more sorrowful sigh and then unnoticed by everyone other then Harry and Luna he smirked.

"Alright Weasley. I did lie. I only saw Potter go into a room with a floo in it after I heard him say he would be going here. I didn't say that to Hermione because I didn't want to talk about how I overheard Potter, because if I did I would have to go into why I was stalking Draco Malfoy and that really wasn't the time to bring up Draco's arse."

Ron sputtered and Harry's brain stopped working for a moment.

"But Weasley, as you have insisted I shall inform you all about how I overheard Harry talking about coming here and about Draco's arse. In loving detail too."

Ron looked a little green in the face for some reason.

Luna dreamily thought that Blaise's smirk looked a bit creepy, but in a dashing way. Like a Crumbled Horn Snorelacks after they had killed their prey.

Harry hadn't heard a word other than 'Draco's arse'.

**The Adventures of Blaise Zabini Part Two or Not Getting to the Point.**

In order to fully appreciate the backside of one Draco Malfoy we must travel back to when Blaise first came back to Hogwarts to help rebuild and then we will need to have a small flashback about when Blaise first fully appreciated Draco's ass himself.

Before we do that however, we must clear up the misunderstanding of Blaise Zabini's sexuality. While Blaise is a sexual creature being the son of a well known seductress, he was not in fact gay. Blaise was not even really Bi. He greatly enjoyed women and their breast. Truly a man could have a nice figure he supposed, but Blaise liked curves and not only were men lacking in the chest area they also normally had despairingly deflated buttocks.

Blaise I feel the need to mention had a lovely pert butt and was one of the few exceptions to this male rule.

Anyways…

Blaise escaped his house elves I mean his house and he went to Hogwarts.

For some odd reason McGonagall did not belief his selfless willingness to begin hard labor to rebuild his beloved school, but for some reason, it must have been his charm he was allowed in anyways.

Once inside Hogwarts he found many odd occurrences which were occurring. Imagine that?

Of course there was Hogwarts itself and the large amount of stone rumble that was once walls, but what was really interesting was the amount of people in the castle, especially the ones that were being entirely useless. At all times except for night time there were people in the Great Hall. People sitting in the Great Hall watching others work in the Great Hall. Only one house was sitting according to house tables and that was Slytherin. The Slytherins seemed to make it their mission to seem very small and none threatening. The other houses were scattered across the other three tables and their mission in life was to be noisy.

The most noticeable occurrence was the phenomena that happened when Harry Potter entered the room and the rest of the Trio, but to a lesser degrees. As one the Lions, Ravens, and Badgers rose to their feet and cheered like Potter had defeated Voldemort hours ago and not days. The Snakes well the younger ones slithered under the table and the rest settled for staring at Potter as if he was their upending doom.

The first time this happened with Blaise sitting there he couldn't help but rolling his eyes and muttering.

"Way to look innocence my friends, you're doing so well."

He was glared at for his troubles.

Another interesting happening was his sort of friend Theo's long lasting panic attack. You see Theodore Nott's father was a Death Eater. Unfortunately for him he was a Death Eater who was stupid enough to go running into the Forbidden forest after Voldemort died. Now the Forbidden forest was called forbidden for a reason and Nott the senior had been missing sense then. Another unfortunate thing was that Theo actually liked his father, in fact they were much closer than most would expect from a Slythrine Father/Son pair as apparently were Mr. Nott failed as a human by being a Death Eater in the first place he made up by being a wonderful father.

Blaise wouldn't know anything about having a wonderful father as he didn't let himself get to attached to any of them, but he imaged even if he did have a wonderful father who was missing he wouldn't have quite gone as far off the deep end as Theodore did. It wasn't just the talking to himself you see or sleeping outside incase his father came out and he missed him. It was the bazaar belief that Hermione Granger knew everything and that if his father was found either at Hogwarts or anywhere, and if he was taken to a hospital or a jail, somehow Hermione Granger would know. Due to everyone in Slythrine House's fear of the Golden Trio it was not surprising that Theo's decision to harass Granger about where his father was turned him into one of the top ten people to avoid at all cost.

"That's why she's so stressed out now." Blaise over heard one of the Patail or Patile or something twins talking to Lavender Brown.

"Hermione, not knowing the answer to something, so now she's trying to found out what is happening with all the Death Eaters. "

"Well from the look on her face, she's not happy about it."

Blaise figured he should at least try to talk with his 'friend'. Blaise found Theo staring out of a window that over looked the forbidden forest.

"Um…Theo…Mate. Granger…ah…she's not a seer. Theo?"

"She has an information network."

"…um…she has a what?"

"…." Something moved in a tree outside, most likely the wind.

"….Theo?"

"….." Theo began to run down the stairs.

"Um…okay then. Nice to see you. Tell me if you…ah…find anything." Blaise stared at the empty hall.

"Bye."

* * *

"I like your story Blaise; I just don't know what it has to do with Draco's butt." Interrupted Luna in her dazed voice.

This was so unexpected that Blaise stared at her at a loss for how to talk to someone like her. Well it wasn't unexpected that he would be interrupted again it was just that Lovegood had been the one to interrupt him and that she had never spoken to him before.

Finally he managed to speak.

"I'm getting to that bit."

"Oh….okay." She smiled.

"As I was saying-"

"Will you get to the point Zabini? Some of us would like to know why we are here!" Said Smith angrily.

"Your here because you kept whining about having to work and if we left you there someone was going to hex you Smith." Dean informed him, apparently working with the blond git had upset his usual mellow.

"Not to say that you can't still be hexed here of course." Said Fred.

"In fact I'd say Ginny would be more than willing too." Said George.

The twins grinned evilly. Ginny had been working with Smith before Dean, and Smith had strangely had a trip to the hospital wing before changing partners. Of course no one had any idea how that happened, expect for Ginny and the twins that is.

Blaise noticed that the way Ginny fondled her wand as she studied Smith was creepier then it was sexy. Harry too seemed to have this thought as he winced slightly and looked away. Luna was staring and smiling at Blaise and that too was creeper then it was sexy. Now that he thought about it the Weasley behind Potter in a scribe position, was extremely creepy as he kept staring at everyone. Staring and writing. Writing and staring. He was really weird okay?

Ignoring the creepiness of the whole thing Blaise again started to complete his story.

(I would also like to know what you all think of Blaise and my Auror oc because I can have them both fall off the side of the earth and never be heard from again or I can include them more. I'm already having Blaise in here more then I planned on so I thought I would ask what people thought of Blaise's rather long monologue.) REVIEW!plz?


	7. Unlikely Duo

So sorry I haven't posted on this in forever! I don't really have a good reason other than my inspiration for this story ran out, but I'm back now!

Unlikely Duo and the end of a monologue.

Somewhere in the Ministry of magic there was a pretty boy Slytherin telling a completely pointless story, but before he began his story, when he was back at Hogwarts he had asked himself a question. This question was 'Now what did mother say about getting rid of the body again?'

Now the Slytherin's mother had said a lot on that subject; however all of those bodies were dead and this body was not. So what happened to the living body hmm? Let's find out! Dun dun dunnnn…

Auror Kristen Crafts had a terrible headache and had no idea where she was. It was a small space and she was cramped. It was also dark and… was that a broom?

Suddenly she realized. She …had…Failed! Noooo! She had failed the Savior!

"Nooooo!"

"Is someone in there?"

The voice returned her to her sense and realizing she still had her wand somehow, she realized all was not lost!

"Reducto!"

When Theo was running up the stairs to get to a good viewpoint to watch the grounds he heard a strange noise coming from a broom closet. It sounded like someone screaming, Nooooo! But of course it could just be a ghost or something. He hesitantly approached the door.

"Is someone in there?"

Boom!

And then the door that he was hesitantly approaching exploded. It went black after that.

Auror Kristen Crafts had murdered a Hogwarts student. Or at least she thought she had until she checked if he was breathing. Err…well it was just a bump on the head from the stone wall she, that is the door had knocked him into. Because it wasn't her fault at all. It was the doors fault for hitting him. And he was just a slythrine anyway, she thought looking at his uniform, but still…

"Umerah!" The boy moved and made odd pained sounds.

"Oh good your awake! The Auror was cheery once more.

"Gah! Father?" So the boy might have a concussion it wasn't her fault, however as her mission had been delayed anyways she might as well help him out. Yes?

"Oh don't worry err…boy. I'll help you find your Daddy. Where is he?"

"Umm." Theo looked at the trio of Aurors.

"He's in the forest and we need to get him out." Yes that right he needed to get to his father, but no one would let him.

"What's he doing in there for? No matter! Up you get and we'll go look for him in the forest. And then! Then I shall succeed my mission!"

"My head hurts."

"Err. I suppose we could stop by the medial witch first."

And so a very unlikely Duo was formed. As for the pretty boy Slytherin telling the completely pointless story. He had finally reached the highlight of the story. That being young Mr. Malfoy's arse.

"And it was lovely and full and I knew even then-"

There was gagging from a green faced Weasley.

"While I was just a first year that it truly was an arse that-"

The gagging Weasley fell over. Harry's face was becoming very red and Luna, well…

"Was the most amazing fabulous arse of all the-"

Luna signed dreamily and smiled at Blaise which he ignored because he was ignoring all creepy things today.

"I think we get the point mate!" Said a rather disturbed Dean who didn't care about Malfoy either way, but thought the expression on Blaise's face scary.

The twins had been watching there brother and were now laughing there own asses off at his expression.

The females of the group were red and giggly except for Luna. Ginny was only a little red and giggly while Cho and Susan leading against each other for support do to their giggle attack. Harry was still very red and Seamus who was bi was giggly. Neville and Dean both were looking at Blaise like he was insane. Michael and Ernie had long sense go over to Percy to help write things down and try to ignore Blaise.

Blaise sighed that sorrowful sigh.

"Look. Do want me finish the story or not?"

"NOT!" Screamed Ron who was looking very much like he would be sick.

Blaise sniffed at him.

"Fine you stupid unclothed-"

"Oh Please continue Blaise I liked your story!" Said Luna earnestly gaining many odd looks. The rest of the people present added their own opinions on if he should continue or not. Of course they did this at the same time making chaos.

"Err. Maybe…" Harry stared hesitantly and everyone fell silent to stare at him. He cleared his throat.

"Maybe you could hurry your story up a bit? Why were you there when I was talking to Malfoy and then why did you follow me."

Blaise blinked.

"I followed Draco because I was bored and he walked by me with that perky sublime arse of his smiling at me."

The shade of red on Harry's face had reached Weasley hair proportions.

As for why I followed you well. It was like this..."

(Ha! You thought that was the end of the monologue, but it wasn't Muwhahah!")


	8. The answer

Hello! Been a long time hasn't it. You now I read through this and I realize it's really very funny, but until I get a beta no ones really going to care. Now this is a very off again on again type of story so if someone would like to Beta for me I don't care if your really really slow. I most likely won't post for this again until at least a few months down the line so if you take a week or two for one chapter I don't mind I just really need this Betaed. So come on people help me out!

The answer.

_"I followed Draco because I was bored and he walked by me with that perky sublime arse of his smiling at me."_

_The shade of red on Harry's face had reached Weasley hair proportions._

"As for why I followed you well. It was like this..."

The room waited with baited breathe.

"…I had nothing better to do."

He waited for the metaphorical ball to drop.

"That's it?" Asked Harry whose face was still Weasley red.

"Yeah, pretty much. After you walked into the charm's room I waited a bit and then opened the door and saw that you weren't in there, but the floo had been used resonantly."

He was stared at.

"Do you mean to tell me all this time-"

"Is that it?" said Ernie

"Seriously?" questioned Dean.

"-that WHOLE TRAMATIC HORRIBLE story of yours was POINTLESS!" Demanded Ron looking very pissed off.

Blaise sniffed.

"Of course it was pointless Weasley. I told you it wasn't important enough to mention, but no you just had to hear about Draco's arse. I think you liked my story a bit too much Weasley."

"Bloody hell Zabini! What! You! "Ron seemed beyond words not that he didn't try to come up with some, they just didn't turn out well when he tried the specking part.

"That's it exactly. It wouldn't bother you so much you didn't check out his arse too."

"Gahh!" Ron chocked and sputtered with shock and disgust.

"You ,Sick!" More sputtering. Ron's twin brothers laughed at him while he tried to form words. His girlfriend shook her head and was muttering about boys. His best mate…well his best mate was having a crisis on top of a crisis today so let's just leave poor Harry along to think about Draco's hindquarters and how he had saved the world only to doom it by being a terrible Minister, but mostly Draco's rear.

However there was only so much nonsense Hermione would stand.

"Enough! I believe we are all satisfied with Blaise's explanation for why he was following Harry?"

Most people nodded. Luna did not.

"Not really he never really got to that part." She spoke up causally.

"What was that Luna?" Hermione was a tad exasperated at her tagalongs story and fake creatures had better find a way to help Luna if she was going to prolong it anymore then it had been al-"

"He talked about going to Hogwarts and Draco's arse and that was very fun, but he only said he followed Harry because he felt like it. I think there's more to this story Hermione." Somehow she made this sound ominous while she started to wave her hands over her head to ward off Wrackspurts.

"I don't care!" Ron recovered enough to make his opinions known.

"I don't care anymore why he was following Harry! I don't care why he's here and I don't care to hear any other awful thing he's got to say!"

Blaise opened his mouth to defend himself or just insult Weasley whatever came first, but Hermione go there before him.

"Well I don't want to here anymore of your whining about how Slythrin's are evil, or your rudeness to people that have never done anything to you! After all we have been through this year I had hoped you would grow up Ron!"

_As the muggle say Burn! _Thought Blaise happily seeing the weasel being chastised by Blaise's new best friend. Yes she was his new best. It's not like Theo would fight her over the position and he had already covered the Bookworm's usefulness.

While Blaise basked in the awesomeness that was Hermione when she was mad at someone and Luna was basking in Blaise's manliness or whatever it was making her so happy with staring at him Harry was slowly putting himself together.

_There was a reason for all these people wasn't there? I've always had a purpose and there was a purpose here. Something I had to do and it didn't involve Draco's arse. Right? But wait it did involve Malfoy. Am I sure it didn't have to anything to with his-_

While Harry had these deep meaningful thoughts the arse in question, excuse me I mean Draco Malfoy was looking for Blaise. While he was looking for Blaise he saw an odd site, but before he saw this he was also thinking thoughts. Just not as deep and meaningful as Harry's.

_No Mother, I don't think the Great Hall would look better in pinks and greens and no Father, I don't think Potter's comment about fixing things had anything to do with getting a head start of community service, but if did destroying walls and freighting hufflepuffs would not be helping. I need sanity! Where's Blaise?_

Draco couldn't find Blaise, but he could or rather did find Theodore and that's where the oddness started.

"Hey Nott, have you-"

That was rude. Was he running from the Auror or were they both running to the same place? Having nothing better to do he followed, slower because Malfoy's don't run unless it's from evil magical fire.

Ah…the forest. The evil magical forest that could also inspire Malfoy's to run away from it, but not to it. Also rumor had it Potter died near there and came back to life. Just to add to the oddness factor. Oh and Dumbledore's tome was kind of close to the forest. You know that guy Draco almost killed, but instead watched die and it was still his fault? Yeah Draco wasn't going in there or near there, but seeing his classmate entering with a ministry personal, (They were not to be trusted) he felt it was his duty to alert Granger. She was the authority on people coming out of the forest so she should at least have some idea of either what to do or who to get if people were going into the forest.

However it seemed Granger could not be found. In fact neither could any of the more important students be found.

"Where the bloody hell did everyone go?"

"Well I don't know about everyone, but Cho went with the rest of them to the Ministry."

Oh God. Why did the person that had spoken have to be that traitor to the DA girl that was friends with that Asian chick that everyone now hated? The one with covered in horrifying pimples and was now giving Moaning Myrtle a run for her money?

"I'm not looking for Cho. Wait who all went to the Ministry?"

" Cho and Michal and Granger and-"

"Right." He said quickly trying to make his escape.

"All of them! They all left me!"

And now she was crying. Well he had been as ass for 7 years and no one was going to change there opinion of him now, therefore he felt little guilt for leaving the crying girl where she was.

So ignoring that should he risk going to the Ministry where someone might see him and lock him up for no reason? It's not like he liked Theodore, but any ally was appreciated at this level of low in his life. He was just deciding to try and find McGonagall instead when he saw his mother approaching him. Oh no. No more pastels, no more designs, and no more hearing her ask him about his love life. The end of the war seemed to have given her a very strong need to see him happy. Not that he minded, but he was tired of her pressuring him to choice someone so she could approve of them no matter how awful they were, her words not his.

Now where was the closest fireplace?


End file.
